Truth?

Today, as I was perusing pinterest, I clicked on a link about Disney movies. This lead to me scrolling down buzzfeed's wall and looking at the various links available there.  I stumbled over one that was very disheartening and pretty much a poster child for how far America's society has fallen in the last few decades.

"13 Divorce Selfies That Will Make You Want To Fall Out Of Love" was the title.

I sighed as I clicked, knowing what I was likely to find.  Sure enough, there were dozens of smiling faces in front of courthouses, holding up divorce papers with ridiculous hashtags and comments.

Some said things such as: "Don't be sad it's ending, be glad it happened." and "What a beautiful journey." My disgust grew with each picture.  The height of my upset, however, came when reading the comments below (this is a normal occurrence for me, as those comments usually reveal humanity's most shallow, horrible, selfish thoughts to the rest of the world.)

One particular stream of literary vomit included this lovely exchange:

Lee Rinkle ·

"People flipping their s*** because two people turned out to be not quite matches for each other... i grew up in a divorced-parent family and seeing my parents constantly at each other's throats, constantly ****-talking each other around their children... these photos make me happy. sometimes life doesn't work out like you originally planned, for whatever reason. i'm glad these people were able to let go of each other and be civil, even joyous for their shared experience and happy for the other and their future. it's a good reminder that you can plan down to the tiniest detail, but life never 

Kaitlin Batt ·

I totally agree. Also, to the people going at it with "oh but the children must be devistated"... I can attest to the fact that they will be much less devistated and much less scarred (maybe not right away, but soon enough) knowing that their parents are happily divorced rather than miserably married. Parents aren't good parents because they "stay together for the kids", they are good parents because they work through their shit without it becoming the child's life to watch them argue and tear one another down.

Like · Reply · 4 · 1 hr

Toya Davis · 
TRUTH.

It was that last little comment that really broke this camel's back.  I sat there, staring dumbly at the screen for a few moments, wondering where everything had gone wrong?  When had people begun to herald things like divorce and abortion as brave and courageous events?  When did it become more respectable to get married and divorced five times, rather than stay and fight for your vows and your spouse? When did the lie become truth?  

I don't think it's very brave to end a marriage.  There are cases I would understand leaving, such as physical abuse or infidelity, but the vast majority of divorces are because two selfish people got married and then discovered that marriage takes a lot of work and compromise.  And then, rather than doing that work, they threw their hands in the air and said, "It's over. I can't live in these conditions." 

There is a quote I love from an old couple who had been together for several decades, that when asked the secret to their long marriage, they said that it was because they came from a time when you fixed things that were broken, instead of throwing them away.  So profound. So true.

If you aren't happy in your marriage, figure out why and set about fixing it.  Ask yourself what would make you happy, figure out what would make your spouse happy and come to some kind of middle ground.  If he loves fishing, but you love reading, go sit with the hubby and read while he catches fish.  If you love broadway shows but he can't stand them, take your sister/mom/friend instead of badgering him into coming.  Communicate.  If there's a problem, don't ignore it to the point that it becomes the monster in your closet, threatening you at every turn.  Deal with it.  Get your hands dirty while cleaning your marriage up.  Put in the work.  

Ask pretty much any gardener what would happen if you just sprinkled some seeds on the ground and left them on their own and they'll likely tell you that not much will happen at all.  Some seeds might actually take root and grow, but the majority of them will be picked up by birds and squirrels, washed out by rainfall or scorched by the sun. This is because seeds need to be tended and cared for in order to thrive.  Your marriage is no different.  To my dismay, this cavalier attitude towards marriage only seems to be growing.  People no longer go into a marriage expecting to be together for the rest of their lives. "It's unrealistic." they tell themselves and feel better knowing they have that escape hatch known as "divorce," you know, just in case.  And many of them use that escape hatch at the first sign of discomfort, acting like spoiled princesses and egotistical princes, throwing a tantrum because they're spouse had some annoying habits they didn't want to put up with anymore. 

No one fights for the things worth fighting for.  They'll scream for equal rights and higher wages and more free stuff from the government all day long, but when it comes to showing their spouse that they're worth the time and effort? Forget it, man, that's too hard!  

And so we've concocted this attractive lie and sold it to the masses.  "Divorce is a beautiful, courageous thing."  I can't even type it without cringing and wanted to hit the backspace bar. Divorce is a hateful, selfish, ugly thing and it scars everyone involved, no matter how "happy" they look in that selfie.  Don't buy into the lie.  Love is a choice you make every day. If you have love, then don't throw it away because you're chasing some illusion that love is effortless and always light and fun and happy.  Give your marriage your time and effort, fight for it, nurture it, feed it.  

And that is the truth.