Springing up new life

The last few months have been interesting.

In March, I felt God wanted me to undertake a 40-day fast. I know, it sounds extreme and it is, which is the whole point. I started out pumped up and stoked for all the revelations I would soon be having and the new lease on life I would get... oh sweet child. Sweet, naive thing. I ended nine days into it as a sniveling, crying blob of defeat on the floor. It was awful.

(I don't say that because fasting in and of itself is awful, nor do I want to discourage anyone else from fasting if you feel God has called you to fast. I just want to be honest about my experiences.)

I was ok until around day 5/6 when I started producing massive amounts of stomach acid and feeling nauseated 24/7. I had heartburn nonstop and began puking several times. I made it about an hour into the tenth day before I gave up. I was so violently ill, I didn't want to go on. I felt absolutely defeated.

Come to find out, I was suffering from a sickness that the rest of the family was soon battling as well.  So it didn't have a lot to do with fasting, I was just sick.

With that knowledge, I decided to try again. Two weeks later, I was back to fasting. I suppose I just wanted to be able to finish what I had started.

The first four days went by with no problem. I felt good, I was walking every day and meditating on Scripture, it was great... and then come days 5 and 6. I feel the heartburn creeping in again, then the hunger picks up, only ten times stronger than last time. By day 7, I was in complete nauseated misery yet again.  I lasted until day 8 that time. It turns out that it's really difficult to be a full-time mom/teacher while fasting. I can better understand now why so many other people remove themselves from their normal routines and experiences in order to fast, free of distractions and responsibilities.

For a few days, I was really disappointed. I had twice failed to do something I had really felt God wanted me to do. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I do this? But now, those negative feelings are fading and I am happy with what was accomplished. Those 17 days of fasting really went a long way in helping me. My general attitude has improved, I have started healthier habits like walking 5 miles every day and severely limiting my consumption of wheat, sugar, and caffeine, and I feel mentally stronger and emotionally lighter than I did before. All great things.

I think the point of the fasting (for me) was less about reaching a certain number, and more about why I was attempting it at all. I wanted to please God. During those fasts, I did not feel God's presence much at all. Truth be told, He felt even further away than before I started. As I mentioned before, I really wondered if I was doing something wrong? But then I heard something last week that really encouraged me. I was watching God's Not Dead 2 and in one scene, the grandpa is trying to encourage his granddaughter and he says something like, "The teacher is always quiet during the test." When I heard that, I immediately thought of my fasts.

I wasn't doing anything wrong, God was just watching to see how I would react and respond to the test. And afterwards, He helped me back up, dusted me off and sent me back down the path again.

So yeah, I'm obviously not the poster child for fasting, but that's ok. I learned a lot and I think it really did help me to grow and learn and let go of some baggage I didn't need to be hanging onto. I might do it again at some point, probably not anytime soon, but eventually.

So that's what's been going on with me the last two months. Spring is all about new life and growth and that's definitely what's been going on with me.

Lovers of the Truth

Are you a wimpy, wishy-washy, don't-want-to-offend-anyone-with-common-sense-and-logistics lover-of-the-world? Or are you a lover of God and the Truth?

"And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness." 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12

The world hates the truth and doesn't even know what to do with it when they are confronted with it. People are so petrified of standing out by speaking the truth that they have slipped into silent approval, just so they can avoid the unpleasantness of telling someone they are wrong.

if I came up to you and said, "Hey! I can fly, wanna see?" And then I proceeded to climb up a ten story building, ready to jump off the edge to demonstrate my newfound "powers," would you let me jump? After all, look how happy it makes me to believe I can fly? You know it's not physically possible for people to fly without aid, but hey, who are you to burst my bubble? I'm not hurting anyone with my belief (aside from myself, when I end up dead on the road below.) so what's the big deal? The big deal is I am going to die if you let me jump off that building in my blissfully delusional state. are you going to be ok with that? When the police ask what happened are you going to feebly offer your excuse, "She said she could fly... it wasn't my business to correct her?" Are you out of your mind?! Stop me before it's too late! Save me from my delusions! Tell me the truth!

Alas, many people nowadays see homosexuality as some kind of birthright, rather than a mental disease, so they ignore it. They give awards to "brave" *cough* confused *cough* people like Bruce Jenner, who decided one day to forsake who they were and tried to be something unnatural. Something wrong. Bruce Jenner can change his hair and makeup and even have surgery to make himself appear more womanly, but he was born a man, and he will die as one. Lying to him in order to make him feel better about his sickness is wrong. No amount of "acceptance" will change his DNA. What's worse? He's misleading millions of impressionable young people and he will ultimately answer to God for it. And God will not be referring to him as Caitlyn, btw.

I am not just saying these things to be a big meanie or because I just can't stand for people to be "happy." I think all happiness outside of a relationship with Jesus is temporary at best, and completely false at worst. I don't want people to be miserable, I want them to be free from Satan's grip on their lives. I want them to make Satan miserable, instead of the other way around. But the only way they will ever do that, is by becoming lovers of the Truth, instead of themselves..