I have been living in a construction zone for 2 months now. At first, it was just little annoyances like the crew taking over two of four parking lots for their building materials, then it started getting more invasive. I put up fall decorations for the first time ever on my porch and literally a day later was told to take them down because people were going to be working on our porch... for the next two weeks. Then they said I have to find another spot to park because they'll be working in my driveway for an undetermined amount of time. Then the big one came two days ago: "You need to clear a four foot space around EVERY window in the apartment because we're replacing them." O_O
I have furniture I had to move in every single room. Will is not here because of work. My mother is here (thank goodness) but she is trying to finish two sewing projects because the woman just doesn't know how to relax. :P My mother is also leaving tomorrow. My coffee maker is now broken and I have no idea why. I broke a bookcase yesterday trying to move it. I cracked my beautiful sleigh bed while trying to move it. I'm homeschooling Skyla and it's tough. My house is a wreck because of Colin's birthday party on Sunday. Colin has diarrhea, probably due to all the sugar he consumed on Sunday.
All of these things formed the basis of a gigantic mushroom cloud of emotion that exploded out of me this morning. I cried. I leaned against the bunk beds now positioned in the center of the room and sobbed for five minutes.
I hate having people I don't know in my house (I should clarify: people I didn't invite.) I feel like I need to explain why there is a pile of jackets on my recipe book baskets, or why every set of blinds is broken, or why my carpet looks like it came from the pound. But what I hate even more is feeling like my living space is not my own. I cannot paint walls, I am paranoid of leaving holes in the walls so I don't hang many decorations, and I can't just replace broken things, I have to alert the media and wait - sometimes weeks - for the management to get around to caring enough to fix them. I hate that they can just invade my house and I have no say.
I know I am being completely toxic right now. I'm sorry. This is just how my life is sometimes; just a downpour of misery all at once. I can also acknowledge that when compared to others, my problems are really not so soul-crushing, but they can still feel like it.
Hopefully, all you other mommies are having a better week than I am, but just in case you're right there with me, I just want to say this: "I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I understand completely that your only wish right now is to melt into the earth and be alone and not responsible for anything. I know. Truly. You will make it. You will find a way to keep going until the crapfest is over. Cry if you need to, but don't give up. Nothing lasts forever... not even construction."
Stay strong... and fake it 'til you make it.
Rachelle
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